Teaching is the crappiest job in the universe.

Can we all just take a minute and peel ourselves away from the end of summer psychosis and admit to one very cold, hard reality? Teaching is, literally, the crappiest job in the universe. Like, pee your pants a little when you pick up a dropped nickel and spill coffee on your brand new, winter white, overpriced, Anthropologie, cashmere sweater crappy.

I know. That's a terrible analogy because what teacher shops at Anthropologie for anything other than a 2oz candle? No teacher.  Which is another great reason why teaching is the crappiest job in the universe.

Exhibit A: These handwritten cards are about as lame as it gets.  I mean, please. The "best" teacher ever? Can someone say, "over-exaggeration"? I mean, truly. Ever. As in, as there ever was. What other job exists where job performance feedback from customers involves two choices: A swift see ya & goodbye, or a note making an outlandish, hyperbolic claim? How is anyone supposed to work like that? You're not.  Quit teaching and find something else that doesn't confuse the psyche.

Exhibit B: These shoes look like they spent a few months in the Cheetah exhibit at the zoo.  Torn and tattered and totally rendered useless, no human sole (pun intended) shall ever bear thier adornment again.  How does a job involving coloring impart so much physical damage to the feet?  And what is the reason behind the total injustice of wearing the formally cloud-like, comfort capsules? There is none. None at all. Jimmy Choo-Who? Not unless you want to claim bankruptcy by Mid-January.

Exhibit C: Enough already with the duties.  I'm sick of going outside and spending all that wasted time in the fresh air and sunshine. Hello, skin cancer! Nice to meet you every Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday from 10:05-10:25! What is wrong with a basic cubicle that protects you from the sun and human contact? Nothing.

Exhibit D: New 'coworkers' every 11.8 months = a pain.  Just when you've gotten the team dynamics completely functional... everyone quits and you're left with a whole new crew of brand new team members who have no idea what they're doing.  "Where's the bathroom?" They ask. "Do you have any pets?" "Do you like Starbucks?" "What's your favorite color?" "We love you!" they say. Oh, please. It's not really that cute at all when you *feign* joyous excitement at the science experiment you've "never done before" or when your force your little face to light up when you finally "get" something. Whatever.  Crap, crap.

Are you with me, or are you with me? Teaching sucks.  

Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go set up my room and wait for the thousands of hugs from tiny people I love.


  1. A great post - a chuckled and each point you made
    Paula from Paula’s Place and iSURF Maths

  2. A to the Men. My kids come tomorrow. 50% of our staff as new. As someone who has been there 5 years, I am a veteran. For realz! Loved this.
    - Sydney
    Lessons Learned

  3. Wait! I thought *I* was the best teacher ever! Would write more, but I'm on my way to set up my room. For free.

    Primary on the Prowl

  4. Not only are those shoes perfectly wearable, they're the only option since open-toed and heels higher than 1" were outlawed.


  5. Hahahahahaha. LOVE this post Kate!!!

  6. Hey my end of the year cards say Best Teacher Ever and I have 32 mugs that say it as well so don't be stealing my title that easily! Love the tone of this piece!

    The Math Maniac

  7. LOL... you are too funny! I seriously had some of these thoughts as I spent 5 hours in my hot room setting up. You'd think they'd at least turn the AC on for us when they know we have to come in! Have a great year :)


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